


Be My Light

by Starlight1395



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: F/M, Game Grumps - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Reader-Insert, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, danny makes reader feel wanted, danny sexbang - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-14 22:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7194299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight1395/pseuds/Starlight1395
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I felt worthless. Maybe falling over the edge of the bridge wouldn't be such a bad idea... until one day I ran into someone surprisingly familiar. I figured he would forget about me dumping coffee all over his arm, but instead he seemed to take a liking to me. The day I met Dan Avidan is the day I realized maybe things really CAN get better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I stood at the edge of the bridge, staring over the edge. The water was turning violently dozens of feet below me. It would be so easy to just… fall. I realized what I was thinking and quickly backed away from the edge.

In my haste, I bumped into someone trying to walk behind me. My elbow connected with their hand, causing them to spill their drink over my arm and their chest. The first thing I noticed was the burn spreading from my elbow to my shoulder. I bit back a cry as I shook the liquid off.

The second think I noticed was a deep voice talking to you.

“Oh fuck! I’m so sorry. Jeez I should have watched where I was walking…” The voice said, trying to wipe my arm off. The voice belonged to a man that was obviously a little older. He had a beard with a barely there sprinkle of grey, even though he didn’t look old enough to be going grey.

His hair was pulled back into a ponytail, but I could see it was naturally frizzy. He straightened and held his hand out. I realized he was also much taller than me.

I recognized him immediately.

“My names Dan.” He said, smiling sheepishly. I took his hand and shook it gently, giving him my name in return. He grinned and let go of my hand, using it to run over his bangs that were escaping the hair tie.

“I’m so sorry that I knocked your coffee over…” I said, feeling myself tear up. I was so busy contemplating what an awful person I was, I managed to spill the drink of someone I really looked up too. I was more worried about him being upset than the burns on my arm.

“Oh it’s no problem.” He said with a good natured grin. “I’m not really a huge fan of coffee, but I had a coupon for some that expires today.”

“Let me buy you another.” I said, wanting to make up for my mistake. He raised an eyebrow, and I saw the small scar breaking up the hairs.

“You really don’t have too.” He said with a chuckle, rubbing the back of his head with his hand.

“But… It’s really no problem.” I insisted. He must have seen the determination in my eyes because he gave in pretty quickly.

“Alright, but nothing too crazy.” He agreed.

“I know this little coffee shop around the corner.” I said, the situation finally hitting me. I spilled Dan’s coffee, and I was going to buy him another.

Maybe I should have jumped…

“Sounds good! I’m free for the rest of the day so if you’re not busy we can talk.” He said, smiling warmly at me. He seemed so friendly and smiley. I wasn’t used to people being so open and nice, especially not strangers.

“Y-yeah sounds like fun.” I said, slightly less enthusiastic. His eyes drifted to the large stain setting on my arm and grimaced.

“Geez that doesn’t look it it’s coming out.” He said, pinching the fabric gently between his fingers. He scanned the shops across the street for a second before perking up. “Here, stay right here. I’ll be right back.” He said before sprinting off.

I stood there, shocked. I felt like I was in the middle of a weird dream and that I was going to wake up before he got back. I turned back to the river and leaned on the stone wall. The water was going even faster, the incoming storm causing the water to dance. My thoughts from before returned with a vengeance.

 _'Jump._ ' The voice said. _'It would make everything easy. No one would have to worry about indulging in your selfishness anymore. God you’re so annoying. Pathetic, worthless bitch._ ' I felt myself leaning further and further over the edge. The water seemed to be calling to me.

' _You’ll never be pretty. No one will ever fall in love with something as ugly as you. Lose some weight, learn to do make up right. Maybe then you’ll be attractive. No one will want to look at you, all your rolls and your scars.'_

_'You are completely and utterly unappealing. Even the most desperate guys would know better than to look twice at you. You’re-'_

“-going to fall!” A new voice replaced the one in my head. A large hand grabbed my upper arm and yanked me back from the edge of the river. I spun around and saw Dan looking at me with wide eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, I’m fine.” I tried to play it cool. “I just let my mind wander a little. I wasn’t going to fall.” I forced a laugh out, which didn’t seem to completely convince him everything was okay.

“Here, go put this on.” He said, handing me a medium sized paper bag. Inside the bag was a sweatshirt from the souvenir shop across the street, the town’s logo printed gaudy across the front. “I wasn’t sure what size you’d wear, so I got one that would fit me and figured I was tall enough to make up for the zero muscle.”

“T-thank you.” I said, shocked. “You really didn’t have to!”

“Well, I felt bad. I ruined your shirt because I wasn’t watching were I was going.” Dan said, laughing a little. His laugh was so familiar to me, and it made my heart clench. “You can change at the café.”

“That’s a good idea.” I said, smiling slightly back at him. “Thank you.”

“Eh don’t thank me yet.” He quipped back with a smirk. I raised my eyebrows at the statement, and he caught my amusement. He winked at me. “Lead the way babe.”

I didn’t know how to respond, so I just mumbled a ‘this way’ and started walking towards the café. It was barely a five minute walk from the bridge. Dan kept casual conversation going, talking about his friends and his job. He never really said exactly what he did, which made me feel weird because I knew already.

We made it to the café, and I was a little sad that the walk was so short. I went straight up to the counter and ordered my favorite tea. Thankfully it was still chilly out enough to be able to enjoy hot drinks without melting. You turned to Dan, who was still deciding what he wanted.

“I’m going to go change. I’ll be right back.” I told him, waiting until he nodded to leave. There was a small bathroom in the back that the occasional customer didn’t know about. I had been coming to this café for so long I knew just where it was thought.

I pulled off my shirt, grimacing a little as the drying coffee stuck to my skin. I turned the sink on and let the water run over the stain as I used a paper towel to wipe off as much off my arm as I could. Wringing out my shirt as best as I could, I turned on the hand dryer and placed my shirt underneath. As the hand dryer went, I slipped the sweatshirt on over my head.

It was huge on me, but it was perfect. Dan had taken the price tag off, but I knew from the fabric that it was a pretty expensive sweatshirt. I blushed at the thought of Dan buying me something like this on a whim.

The hand dryer went off, so I folded the still slightly damp shirt and placed it in the bag. Exiting the bathroom, I saw Dan sitting at a table by the window. He saw me leave the bathroom and waved me over.

“He said he would be right out with our drinks.” He said, locking his phone and placing it off to the side.

“He’s pretty good when it comes to keeping customers from waiting.” I said, looking to the back kitchen where I knew my favorite worker was making the drinks.

“So, tell me about yourself.” He said, resting his elbow on the table and his chin on his hand. He looked at me right in the eyes, causing my throat to close up.

“O-oh, I’m nothing special.” I said, trying to figure out how to bring up the fact that I knew a shit ton about him already.

“Oh I’m sure there’s something that’s interesting.” He pushed.

“Um…” I felt my face heat up. “This might be a little awkward but I’m a huge fan of Game Grumps.” I rushed out, not looking at him. Dan was silent for a while, and I was sure I had scared him off. He probably regretted meeting me..

“No shit, really? That’s awesome! Why would it be awkward?” He said, grinning wide. I blinked owlishly at him, shocked at his positive reaction.

“I just… I know some celebrities don’t like hanging out with fans and stuff because it’s a one sided kind of relationship…” I trailed off awkwardly. He laughed, shaking his head gently.

“I’m no celebrity.” Danny said, still laughing.

“I mean, you’re pretty famous, and beloved by many.” I said with a smirk. He laughed again at my word choice.

“Yeah, but I really don’t see myself as a celebrity. I sing about dicks and make inappropriate jokes online. If anything, Arin is the celebrity. Or Ross. They animate, which is awesome and hard as hell.” He admitted, looking up as a cup was placed in front of him.

“Yeah, but being a musician isn’t easy either.” I said, thanking the worker as he handed me the cup. “I played flute for years and it took forever to even carry a tune. And don’t get me started about singing on key.” I continued while smirking into my cup.

I took a sip and nearly spit it right back out again. I set the cup down and waved a hand in front of my tongue to try to cool it off.

“You sing?” He asked, watching amused as I tear up over my burnt tongue.

“A little…” I said, testing my tea again. Still too hot. “I used to do musicals and stuff, but I was never good enough for a lead. I never had a strong live theater voice. I’m good at like, singing in the car and shower and stuff. I’m not nearly as talented as you.” If it wasn’t because of the hot tea, I would have said Danny’s face flushed red.

“Oh stop it you.” He said, gently throwing a wadded up napkin at me. I easily deflected it, but I felt a strange tightness in my chest. It had been so long since anyone – any guy – had treated me like this. It was… strange.

* * *

  
“The sun is going down.” I noticed, shocked. Dan looked up from his second cup and frowned.

“Would ya look at that…” He said, placing his cup down. “I told Barry I would be back before dinner.” He pulled out his phone and saw he had several messages. “Aw shit that’s him now.”

“You go on. Say sorry to Barry for me.” I said with a laugh.

“Why are you apologizing?” He asked, locking his phone again.

“I kept you out.” I responded, shrugging.

“Eh, I’m glad you did.” He smiled crookedly and I felt my heart stutter. He grabbed pen from the counter and scribbled something on a napkin before pushing it towards me. “You should text me later. I had a really fun time today.”

“Of course!” I said, maybe a little too quickly, but he didn’t seem weirded out at my excitement. “I had a nice time too. And thank you for the sweatshirt.”

“No problem babe.” He winked at me again before standing and leaving. I stayed at the table for another few minutes to finish my cup before taking the two empty mugs to the counter.

“How much do I owe you?” I asked the worker. He looked at me, confused.

“Your friend paid for everything while you were in the bathroom.” He said, taking the mugs and placing them in a bin of dirty dishes.

“He did?” I asked, shocked and a little upset. This was supposed to be payback for spilling his coffee, and yet he paid for the tea as well as my new sweatshirt.

“I’m glad you found someone.” He said with a knowing look.

“W-what? No!” I said suddenly, my face heating up. He raised an eyebrow at me. “I mean… not really. I just bumped into him. Literally. He spilled his coffee on me and I offered to buy him a new one.” I said softly, brushing my hair out of my face.

“Well, he seems like a swell boy. And you deserve to be happy.” He said, smiling as he wiped down the table I was just sitting at.

“Thank you.” I whispered fondly. He just waved over his shoulder and chuckled.

I left the café and pulled out my phone along with the napkin. I tapped in the number on the napkin and sent a quick text.

 _“You paid for the tea?”_ was all the text said. I slipped my phone in the hoodie pocket and started on my walk home. Thankfully I lived about a ten minute walk from the shops and bridge. My apartment was small, a bedroom with a bathroom and a kitchen/living room combination. It was maybe ten paces from the far wall of the kitchen to the far wall of the bedroom, but it was home.

As I closed the door, I felt my phone buzz. I pulled it out and saw a message from an unsaved number. I smirked and put it back in the pocket. I needed to treat the stain before it sets too much longer.

I went into the kitchen and filled the sink with soap and warm water. I usually did my laundry at the laundry mat, so this was what I did with last minute stains. After the shirt started soaking, I pulled my phone back out.

 _“Of course I did! I wasn’t about to let a pretty lady pay for the date :)_ ” he ended the text with a smiley face, which made me smile in return. I decided not to call him out on the ‘date’ part yet.

 _“So was Barry mad that you were late?”_ I asked, wanting to keep the conversation away from me. His response was almost immediate.

 _“Nah but there wasn’t much pizza left.”_ He added a face that had a big sweat drop on the forehead at the end of the message.

 _“Well then, I owe you dinner sometime!”_ As soon as I sent the text, I was bombarded with insecurities. Was I being too forward? What if he didn’t want to see me again? His response came as fast as the first.

 _“Definitely! I’ll hold you to that babe ;)”_ he said with a winky face. I felt my cheeks flush.

We texted for a few hours, and by the time he said goodnight, It was almost three in the morning. I said goodnight and added a cute emoji at the end. I plugged my phone in and paid back on my bed.

I stared at the ceiling, feeling a goofy smile on my face. It was such a chance coincidence that I ran into him. I still didn’t believe it was real.

When I moved to L.A. I really didn’t expect much. I had gotten a job as an intern at a theatre. Originally I was just set building and the usual intern things like painting backdrops and fetching coffee. One day the director caught me singing along with my phone as I painted some trees onto a canvas and forced me to audition for her.

Within the first six months of moving, I was in a show. I wasn’t the lead, but I had a solo song and dozens of lines. It was the perfect starting role.

I realized that since I was talking to Danny for so long, my bad thoughts hadn’t bothered me at all that night.

Usually I cry myself to sleep by midnight, but that night I was happier than ever. I got ready for bed and fell asleep, a smile on my face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and I text back and forward, the day ending with me in his apartment. It was just supposed to be a friendly movie date, but my past gets the best of me. I thought for sure Danny would hate me, but he continues to surprise me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: anxiety attack and mentions of past self harm

_“Mornin! Didcha sleep well?_ ” was the text I woke up to around ten the next morning. My first instinct was to ask WHY he was up so early.

  
_“Why are you awake so early?”_ I did ask, smiling sleepily as I checked my other notifications. He responded in less than a minute.

  
_“Got Grump recording today! Why are you awake so early?”_ he asked back at me.

  
_“I have rehearsal for my show.”_ I realized I never told him about my internship and more recent role.

  
 _“A show? What kind of show?”_ He asked.

  
We talked for a little while, me doing most of the talking this time. I felt a little guilty because I talked about myself so much, but he just kept asking questions. After about two hours, he told me he had to go. He was about to start recording.

  
I said goodbye and started getting ready for rehearsal. First thing on my to do list was take a shower. My bathroom was a mess, makeup and clothing and towels randomly thrown on every available surface. I grabbed a hamper from the bedroom and threw all the dirty towels and clothes into it, mumbling something about doing my laundry soon.

  
I turned on the hot water, letting the water heater kick in so I wouldn’t run out of hot water. As the heater kick on, I stripped from my pajamas, throwing those clothes in the hamper as well. I turned and caught my reflection in the mirror.

  
A patchwork of scars covered my thighs and stomach. Most of them were old enough to be white and faded, but a few were angry and red, still sore to the touch. You were lucky your director was against nude scenes and preferred all actors stay away from short shorts, no matter their gender or body type.

  
‘Dan would never love you looking like this.’ The voice was back. ‘One look at your body and he would be so turned off he would never talk to you again.’

  
“Shut up.” I whispered to the mirror, willing the voice to go away.

  
‘You’re an idiot to think any different.’

  
“SHUT UP.” I said louder, slamming my fist on the sink counter. The shock of the pain brought me back to reality. I turned the shower on the rest of the way and got in, relishing the feeling of the steaming water scalding my back and legs.

  
The shower was over far too soon, and before I was willing I turned off the water and stepped from the shower. The mirror had fogged up, and I was grateful that I couldn’t see myself again. Leaving the bathroom, I gathered my clothes for the day and quickly got dressed.

  
My phone dinged and I found myself jumping across the room, hoping it was a particular internet sensation. It wasn’t Danny, but my director who as asking if I could come in an hour early to work on something with a new prop.

  
I sent a quick ‘yeah I’ll be right there’ and applied a light layer of makeup before slipping on my shoes and heading out the door. The theater was a short walk and bus ride from my apartment, so I wasn’t too worried about being late.

  
Walking to the bus stop, I let myself enjoy the sounds of the town. While it wasn’t the city, the town was definitely busy. It was a tourist trap at this point. I could hear the shops opening up and the parents with their kids going on mid-morning errands.

  
I got to the bus stop sooner than expected, so I ended up sitting on the bench for about five minutes before the bus finally pulled up. I checked my phone, hoping to get a text, but I knew it would be at least seven hours before he was free. He’s talked about how long a single session was before on an episode.

  
My stop was another ten minutes away, so I put in headphones and let the music occupy my thoughts.

* * *

  
“Alright everyone, that’s enough for today.” My director said, clapping her hands after several hours of practice. I was panting, the final dance number what we finished on. While I wasn’t super out of shape, that last dance was a doozy for sure.

  
“Hey.” My cast mate called over to me. I gulped from my water bottle and waved him over. “So I was wondering if you’d want to come out to the bar tonight with us. You’ve been a little distant lately.” He said, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. Just as he asked, my phone buzzed.

  
_“Just got off recording! Want to hang out?_ ” A message from Danny. I couldn’t help the goofy grin that covered my face.

  
“Um, I have plans actually.” I said, looking back up at him. “Maybe next time though!” I could tell he was a little disappointed, but seemed happy that I seemed happy.

  
“I’ll hold you to that.” He grinned and walked over to a small group waiting by the door. I threw some stuff in my bag and headed for the back door.

  
 _“I’d love to! But I have to shower first. Rehearsal was killer today. Have any plans?”_ I sent as I walked, glancing up to make sure I didn’t run into anyone. I didn’t get a response until I was already on the bus.

  
“ _Take your time! I was thinking maybe a movie? I’m wiped haha Arin sure is a slave driver when it comes to recording days.”_ He responded. I smiled at my phone, trying to picture his sleepy face. I blushed brightly as I responded back.

  
_“A movie sounds great, though I don’t think anything good is playing this time of year.”_

  
 _“Wanna just come over to my apartment then? Barry said he was going away for the weekend, but IDK if he actually went.”_ He said so casually. My heart stopped at the thought of being alone in the apartment with Danny. But I refused to miss this opportunity.

  
_“Sounds good! Want me to bring anything over?”_ I didn’t know proper protocol for something like this. I felt myself losing confidence and was about to send a second text telling him I couldn’t make it when he responded.

  
_“Nah. Just your pretty face it ;) what kind of movie are you in the mood for?”_

  
 _“I’m game for whatever, as long as it’s not a horror movie.”_ I was glad there was a screen between us so he couldn’t see my cheeks burning red.

  
_“I’m a pussy when it comes to horror. You good.”_ He was a fast responder. That was something rarely found in the opposite sex… I liked it.

  
 _“I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”_ I sent one last message before I got off the bus. I all but sprinted back to my apartment. I took the world’s fastest shower, but spent a little extra time on my makeup. I wanted to seem approachable.

  
_‘You’re wasting your time.’_ The voice whispered at me as I brushed some eye shadow on. _‘No amount of makeup can make you pretty.’_

  
I ignored it as best as possible and changed into one of my favorite outfits, capri leggings and a tank top. As I ran out the door, I snagged the sweat shirt. I texted Dan, who promptly sent me his address. Plugging it into my phone, I was shocked to see it was only a ten minute bus ride from my place.

  
On the way, despite him saying not to bring anything, I stopped in at the local liquor store to see what they had. They were having a sale on wine, which I thought was oddly appropriate. I grabbed a bottle of the white, and hoped it was good.

  
I made it to his front door without any problems, but hesitated before knocking. What if this was all a trick? What if he didn’t really like me? What if-

  
The door swung open, nearly breaking my nose. A deep voice called out, but it wasn’t Danny. Another bearded man stood in the doorway, a small duffle and a jacket in his hand.

  
“Oh jeez! I’m sorry. You’re not hurt, are you?” He asked, putting his empty hand out to steady me. I just laughed it off, my nerves getting the better of me.

  
“I’m fine, thank you. Sorry if I was in the way.” I said, my voice only a little shaky.

  
“What’s wrong Bar?” Another voice called. My heart skittered at the tenor of the familiar voice.

  
“I think your friend is here Danny.” Barry called over his shoulder.

  
“Really?” the voice got louder as Danny came to the door. He leaned on the doorframe and grinned at me. “And here I thought you weren’t going to show up.”

  
“I, um, stopped and bought some wine…” I said, awkwardly thrusting the bottle out in front of me. Dan blinked and took the bottle from me. Peaking in the bag, he smiled again.

  
“That’s a good one. Come on in.” He said to me, opening the door a little wider. “Stay safe Barry.” He slapped his friend on the back as a farewell.  
“It was nice meeting you.” Barry said with a smile before heading to the stairs.

  
I entered the apartment and couldn’t help but look around. The walls were white, and the couches off white. You were right, this was the apartment they filled I Burgie Burgie in. Dan went right into the kitchen and pulled out some wine glasses.

  
“Thanks for coming over so late.” He said from the kitchen.

  
“Thanks for inviting me! I would have just sat in my apartment.” I said with a slight grimace. Sit in my apartment and let my dark thoughts consume me…

  
“Here’s to not sitting alone in our apartments.” Danny said, handing me a glass of wine and clinking them together. I smiled and repeated the toast, taking a sip of my wine.

  
“Oh!” It really was good. I was never a wine person, but this was sweet and clear tasting.

  
“Good right?” He grinned and walked over to the couch. “Are you hungry? I can whip something up real quick.” He asked, turning his body towards the kitchen.

  
“Oh, no thank you-” I tried to turn him down, but my stomach growled loudly. Danny laughed and ran a hand through his hair.

  
“I’ll take that as a yes. We have some left over pizza, and I know we have some pasta somewhere. Let me check.” He placed his glass on the side table and moved to the kitchen. I followed him and was surprised at the sight of the kitchen.

  
While the living room was bare and white, the kitchen was a mishmash of colors. There were four chairs around the table, each a different color and style. There were pot holders and cooking utensils hanging around, all different. It really did look like a kitchen that belonged to two single guys. I couldn’t help but smile a little.

  
“Um, we have some roast chicken and some tuna salad… stuff to make an actual salad…” Dan’s butt was sticking out of the fridge, his top half digging through the food.

  
“Pizza is fine.” I said, not wanting to make a big deal of it. I didn’t want to be a burden on him, or rather, I didn’t want to be an even bigger burden.

  
“Awesome. You like peperoni or… we have white pizza too. I thought it was pretty good but Barry wasn’t a big fan. He doesn’t like garlic all that much.” He said, pulling some triangle shaped tin foil from the bottom shelf.

  
“I love white pizza!” I said, happily shocked at the coincidence. He smiled and hummed, pulling out four pieces and stuck them in the toaster over. “Why don’t you just microwave them?” I asked, confused.

  
“They get mushy in the microwave. Gotta toast them so they stay fuckin tasty.” He said, pulling out two plates.

  
“Well, thanks. I guess I forgot to eat after practice.” I said, a little embarrassed.

  
“Do you forget to eat often?” He asked, sounding concerned.

  
“Sometimes I… I just get distracted sometimes.” I brushed off his concern as casually as I could, laughing a little and moving to take the plate from him.

  
“Well, from now on I’ll try to remind you.” He said with a grin. My heart skipped a beat.

  
“Um, thank you for this.” I stuttered out, my face reddening. He laughed his signature laugh and flopped down on the couch.

  
“Stop thanking me! I’m doing this because I want too.” He patted the couch seat next to him. I hesitated for a second before moving to sit next to him. I made sure to leave an inch or so between us though.

  
“Oh, that’s a great one!” I said, pointing at a familiar cover on the screen.

  
“Oh I’ve never heard of it, but if you like it I’m sure it’s great.” He smiled at me and I flushed, burying my face in my glass of wine.

* * *

  
“Holy fucking shit! Holy, motherfucking shit!” Danny said as he laughed. I could see tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. I knew this was a good choice of movie. It was full of slapstick comedy and bad puns – the best kind.

  
“I can’t believe you never saw this!” I laughed, torn between watching the movie and watching Danny almost pee himself.

  
“Arin would fuckin love this.” He calmed down a little bit, wiping the tear from his eye. I giggled softly to myself when I realized he only cursed like that when he was doing commentary about something. He barely cursed at all when we had our coffee date. “Why are you giggling?” He asked, narrowing his eyes in a mischievous way.

  
“Nothing!” I tried to brush it off, but his sly grin didn’t leave his face. “It’s just that… you’re really cute when you laugh like that!” I rushed out, wanting to take the words back instantly. Danny’s face dropped for a split second before breaking out in his signature Sexbang grin.

  
“So you think I’m cute, huh?” His voice dropped an octave.

  
“Y-yeah… I mean, yes?” I squeaked out, embarrassed beyond belief.

  
“Between you and me?” Danny moved so his thigh was flushed against mine. “I think you’re pretty cute too.”

  
I tried to respond, but it felt like my throat was filled with cement. He must have noticed my distress because he backed up and placed a hand on my knee.  
“Hey, are you alright?” He asked, sounding more worried than ever before. I tried to respond, tried to tell him I was fine, really, but my breathing just increased. My heart beat sped up and I could feel it in my ears, in my fingertips.

  
My breathing became ragged and broken, my vision darkening. I knew I was having a panic attack, but I couldn’t stop it. The last time someone had said anything like that, been that close to me… it hadn’t ended well.

  
Tears dripped down my face, causing my eyeliner to run. I knew I was being pathetic, and I knew I was causing a scene, but I couldn’t stop. My breathing became even shallower, and I could barely take a breath.

  
“It’s okay. Just breathe with me.” Danny said from beside me. His warm hand rested on my back, and he was over exaggerating his breathing so I could follow. Slowly, the black tinging my vision receded and I was able to breath properly again. My hands were shaking hard as Danny handed me a glass of water and a tissue.

  
“Thank you.” I said quietly, sipping the water slowly and wiping my face. “That doesn’t usually happen… I’m sorry.” I felt tears burn my eyes. I ruined this… because of me Dan would hate me…

  
“Don’t apologize. Anxiety attacks are fucking terrifying. I’m just worried about you. Are you alright?” He asked, looking at me without any pity or disgust. I felt shame well up in my stomach. I nodded.

  
“Yeah… it’s just, the last time anyone said something like that to me… it didn’t end well.” I clenched my eyes shut tight, hoping to avoid the bombardment of memories that were sure to follow. Before the memories hit, Dan wrapped a long arm around my shoulders.

  
“I’m sorry then.” He said softly. I pulled away – just an inch – to look him in the face.

  
“Why are you sorry?” I asked, genuinely confused. He gave a light chuckle.

  
“Because I made you relive some bad times. I’ll try to be more careful in the future.” He smiled at me, his eyes twinkling. I felt my heart speed up. In the future… he didn’t plan on forgetting about me because of this. I felt conflicted to say the least.

  
“N-no! It’s… I’ll try to, um, keep calm next time?” I said feebly. “Because it’s not that I didn’t like the compliment… because I really did! I just… you caught me off guard and I wasn’t prepared, but now I’ll be more prepared if it ever happens again!” I said, looking anywhere but the smile that was slowly getting bigger on his face. I could feel myself start to ramble so I cut off, my face flushing bright red.

  
“Don’t worry so much.” He laughed, pulling me into a side hug. “There’s nothing but good times and good laughs here in Dan Land.” I couldn’t help but giggle at that. “Besides, you’re so beautiful when you laugh. I want to see that smile more often.”

  
My face somehow got redder, and instead of answering, I took a big gulp of the water. It ended up going down the wrong pipe, causing me to choke. Dan laughed again and patted me on the back until the coughing subsided.

  
“We missed the rest of the movie.” I commented sadly. The ending was my favorite part, but without context it wasn’t as funny. I felt a pang in my chest when I realized it was my fault we missed the end of the movie Dan seemed to be enjoying.

  
“Well, we can watch another.” He suggested, glancing at me from the corners of his eye. I could see his lips forming a smirk. I checked my phone and saw it was almost ten in the evening, but I didn’t want to go home. Besides, I didn’t have rehearsal until three in the afternoon tomorrow.

  
“I think I can stay for one more movie.” I said, smiling back. I reached for my wine glass, but was surprised to see it empty. Dan started scrolling through the different movies and I suddenly got the chills, goose bumps decorating my arms.

  
“Aw jeez.” Dan muttered. “There goes the air conditioning. We’ve been meaning to get it fixed, but we always forget until it’s too late.” He sighed and stood, disappearing into the leftmost bedroom. He reappeared seconds later, a large comforter in his arms.

  
He handed it to me, and I gladly wrapped it around my shoulders. When he sat back down, I offered him the other half. With a smile, Dan took the blanket and snuggled in closer to me. I remembered doing this with my best friend back in high school when we would have sleepovers. I leaned into Dan’s warmth as he clicked a movie and brought his arm inside the blanket.

  
I don’t remember what movie he put on, because I was asleep before all the characters were even introduced. I told myself that I would only rest my eyes, so I wouldn’t fall asleep on the bus ride home.

  
Dan looked down at me and smiled. He wasn’t sure why he was drawn to someone so different from him. I wrinkled my nose in my sleep, causing him to blush faintly. Dan realized that - halfway through the movie – I wasn’t waking up anytime soon.

  
With a smile, he gathered me in his arms, blanket and all, and carried me into his room. He placed me gently on the bed and turned to leave before hesitating. He turned back and placed a light kiss on my forehead before leaving the room.

  
Dan grabbed a spare blanket and crashed on the couch, a faint smile on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wake up in Dan's apartment and share a special moment. Later, that night, you run into him and the other Grumps at a local bar. He helps you home, but finds out something about you that you wanted to keep a secret.

My head felt stuffy when I woke up. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, remembering the events from the night before with mounting horror. I looked around and took in the room, in all its single guy beauty. There were posters of old bands on the wall, most of them signed and framed. His closet was mostly clean, a few stray shirts sticking out. The rest of his clothes covered what looked like one of those half circle slump chairs. There were shoes and wrappers all over the floor, most of the wrappers around the trash can – as if he tried to throw them in and missed.  
  
I checked the clock next to his bed and saw it was only 9:49 in the morning. No wonder I felt so dead… Listening carefully, I tried to see if Danny was awake, but I couldn’t hear anything. Creeping out of the room, I saw the man in question sleeping peacefully on the couch, his mouth slightly open and drooling a little.  
  
My chest warmed at the sight and I thought for a moment about waking him up. I took a step closer and stopped when he grumbled and rolled over. He sleepily ran his hand through his hair and settled back down again.  
  
This was like a dream to me. I was standing in the living room of Dan Avidan, who not only invited me over, but gave me his bed for the night. My eyes filled, but I refused to cry. I knew miracles didn’t happen. I knew something would ruin this eventually, so I had to make the most of it while I could.  
  
I moved to the kitchen, figuring I could make him breakfast as a thank you-slash-apology for last night. I hesitated before digging through his fridge. He was right, there really wasn’t much there, but I found some eggs and tomatoes, some ham slices and shredded cheese. I could easily make some omelets.  
  
I looked through the cabinets, but besides salt and pepper, they didn’t have much in the way of seasonings. I vaguely remembered someone having an herb garden outside. I checked to see if the coast was clear before slipping out of the apartment.  
  
Downstairs, I saw the small garden, and an equally as small woman tending to it. She was hunched over, with snow white hair curling around her ears.  
  
“Um, excuse me?” I said, trying to get her attention. She turned around and smiled at me the way old people do.  
  
“Good morning miss. What brings you around here so early?” She asked, straightening up a little and brushing the dirt from her hands.  
  
“Oh, um, I was making breakfast for my… friend as a thank you, and I remembered this herb garden down here. I was hoping I could borrow some basil?” I asked, hoping not to sound too pushy or entitled. Instead, the old woman grinned wider.  
  
“Why of course you can sweetie pie! And you don’t have to worry about bringing it back.” She said with a good natured wink. She gathered a good sized bundle and handed it to me, making sure it was all in my hands before letting go.  
  
“Thank you so much!” I said, looking down at the fresh herbs with a smile. This was so much better than what I was hoping for.  
  
“Anytime dear. It’ll be good for that Avidan boy to eat something. He’s so thin I sometimes think the wind will snap him in half.” She chuckled as my face lit up red.  
  
“How did you know-?” I asked, stuttering a little bit.  
  
“I may be old, but I’m perceptive. I know the faces around here, and yours came from his apartment.” She winked at me and returned to her gardening. “Take care of that boy. He doesn’t do it himself.”  
  
“T-thank you!” I stuttered again before rushing up the steps. When I creaked open the apartment door again, Dan was still pass out on the couch. This time when I walked past, he didn’t stir in the slightest. I went right to the kitchen and got to work.  
  
Within ten minutes, I had a delicious omelet. I knew I should make one for myself but I wasn’t hungry. Or rather, if I ate I would gain weight. I snagged a fork and tip toed into the living room. He must have heard me, because by the time I got there he was already sitting up on the couch.  
  
“Good morning sweetheart.” He said with a sleepy smile. My heart skipped a beat at his puppy dog grin.  
  
“Morning sleepyhead.” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. I handed him the plate and grinned at his wide-eyed expression.  
  
“You made me breakfast?” He asked, shocked. I just smiled more and gestured for him to take a bite. “What about you?”  
  
“I already ate.” I lied, guilt prickling my heart. “It’s a thank you.” I said, sitting on the cough next to him. “And an apology.” Dan sighed and placed the plate on the table.  
  
“You don’t have to keep apologizing for that.” He said with a serious voice. He turned to face me more. “Please stop beating yourself up over it. I understand, and I promise I don’t think any differently of you.”  
  
I didn’t say anything. I just looked down at my lap. I heard him sigh again before I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders. He pulled me into his chest and wrapped his other arm around me too. We just sat there, him holding me and me holding in tears.  
I knew I should pull away. Let him each his breakfast and go home, but I was so warm. I didn’t want to be cold again.  
  
“Are you alright?” He asked gently. I nodded into his chest, still not willing to pull away. “Hey, look at me.”  
I looked up, right into his eyes. He was just inches from my face. I felt my cheeks flush, and he smiled gently. He started to lean in more and I could have sworn my heart beat   
was audible from the hallways. I could almost feel his lips on mine, feel his stubble gently scraping my cheek.  
  
Then his phone rang. We both started, pulling back. My face was burning up, and with a glance I saw that Dan’s face was just as red.  
  
“Hello?” He answered the phone, his voice cracking a little. There was a loud voice on the other end, and he had to pull it away from his ear with a grimace. “Friday?” The person on the other side continued to talk. From where I was sitting, the voice sounded kind of familiar, but I couldn’t place a name.  
“Can I bring a friend?” He asked, glancing over in my direction. My eyes widened and I pointed to my chest. He grinned and nodded. “Awesome. See ya then.” He hung up and placed the phone on the table. “Are you free Friday night?” He grinned slyly at me.  
  
“Friday?” I thought and realized I had practice then. I decided to do something I had never done before. “Yeah… yeah I’m free.” I grinned, my chest lightening. I would have to make up some excuse for my director but I felt liberated.  
  
“Perfect! Cuz Mark is throwing a party and he’s invited all of us.” He grinned as he slung his arm over the couch back.  
  
“Mark?” I asked, wondering if I should know which Mark out of the thousands of Marks in the world. He grinned wider.  
  
“Markiplier? You may have heard of him. He’s kind of popular I guess.” He laughed as my jaw dropped.  
  
“W-wait. You’re inviting me to a party with Mark? And… what do you mean all of us?” My heart was pitter pattering painfully.  
  
“Yes, and everyone from the office.” He said, noticing how worked up I was getting.  
  
_‘What If they don’t like me?_ ’ I thought to myself. _‘What if I embarrass myself and they hate me and-‘_  
  
“They won’t hate you.” Danny broke me from my thoughts with a frown. I didn’t like it when he frowned. He was so much more handsome with a smile.  
  
“Shit did I say that outloud?” I asked, wondering if I could slip into the couch and never see the light of day again.  
  
“Yeah…” He looked at me oddly and bit his bottom lip as if he was lost in thought. “Look, I know we haven’t known each other long, but I want you to know that I’m here for you. I…” He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. “Fuck, look. I really care about you, and I get if that freaks you out a little because it’s only been a little while. You’re just so unique and interesting and… Jesus I don’t know. I just… I want you to trust me.”  
  
I was speechless. He was looking in my eyes like a puppy begging to be forgiven, and I felt my eyes watering up. He sounded so sincere. It was hard for me not to believe him, but even then I barely believed him. His face started screwing up when I didn’t respond.  
  
“I do trust you!” I rushed out, relaxing as he smiled. “I just… I have a lot on my mind sometimes, and I zone out and stuff. It’s nothing serious.” I lied, scratching my thigh through my pants.

“Well, I’m here for you. If you ever need someone to talk to.” He smiled again, pulling me into another hug. When he pulled away, things were back to normal. He dug into the omelet and he continued the movie from last night.

I was only able to stay for another hour or so. I tried to do the dishes before I left, but he refused to let me. We play-bickered like a happy couple, and I tried not to cry with happiness. I realized I had been tearing up a lot lately and mentally scolded myself. I needed to stay strong or people would start to pick apart my stories.  
I got home in time for a quick shower before having to rush to rehearsal. I hoped my director would understand about Friday.

* * *

  
“Good work everyone!” My director called after the final scene. We were two weeks and three days from opening night, and in my opinion we were ready to open tomorrow. It was such a thrill to perform, and I was looking forward to opening.  
  
I felt a twinge of guilt when I remembered what I contemplated doing on that bridge a few days ago. Maybe after the show, but it would be selfish of me to do that now.   
  
Someone called my name. It was the same guy from before.  
  
“You free tonight?” He asked, slinging his bag over his shoulder.  
  
“Didn’t you just go out yesterday?” I asked with a grin as I packed my own bag up. He chuckled and sat on the chair next to me.  
  
“Yeah, well, there are a few of us that wouldn’t mind going out again if you’d come with us.” He smiled warmly. I thought about what I was going to do that evening and decided going out with friends was better than slicing my leg apart.  
  
“You know what? That sounds great.” I said, placing my bag over my shoulder. His whole face lit up.  
  
“Really? Awesome!” He hopped up and grinned. “I’ll let the others know! Come meet us by the door when you’re ready to leave.” He grinned again and rushed off. I saw him say something to someone, and then heard a loud exclamation. I smiled to myself and shook my head.  
  
I stopped in the bathroom and placed my bag on the sink before going to the bathroom really fast. I winced as my pants scrapped my thigh. I knew I should cover them, but it would be bulgy and awkward.  
  
As I washed my hands, I looked at myself in the mirror and cringed. My face was blotchy and red from all the work we did that day. My hair was an absolute mess and my makeup was smudged. I didn’t know how much longer everyone would wait for me, so I quickly patted my face down with a wet paper towel and brushed my hair. I gave up and threw it into a bun before heading to the door.  
  
“There you are!” One of the girls called to me. “We were about to take bets on whether or not you slipped out the back door!” The gathered group laughed, and I chimed in, smacking her gently on the arm.  
  
“I had to make myself decent, jeez. Have some faith in me.” I grinned and everyone laughed along. It felt nice, hanging out with my peers and laughing with them as if nothing was wrong in life. It was… fragile.  
  
“Well then, come on! Happy hour is already over so everything is going to be expensive.” The main guy said. “First rounds on me, to celebrate our star finally coming out for the first time!” The crowd cheered and followed him out. The ushered me into the center of the groups and practically carried me out the door.  
  
The bar was right around the corner, no wonder they always go out after practice. The bartender waved to them when they entered, yet another sigh they come here too often.   
But I wasn’t about to judge them on that.  
  
“To our star!” He said, holding a shot glass with amber liquid inside. I grabbed mine and raised it up as well before downing it in one go. Everyone cheered, and I felt someone smack me on the back. I placed the glass down and grinned.  
  
“Damn! She can sure take a shot!” Someone called and everyone in the immediate area cheered. Someone placed another shot in my hand and I didn’t question it, throwing that one back as well. The cheering increase.  
  
“Is that all you got?” I goaded on the crowed, who oohed and aahed at my confidence. Someone called out a bet about how many I could take before throwing up, and I took them up. I’ve never barfed from drinking before and I don’t plan on starting tonight. I made a good decision, because for the next hour I didn’t have to pay for a single drink. Just as I was about to tap out – I knew my limits and wasn’t going to push them on my first night out with the cast - when I heard my name, but not from anyone in my group.  
  
“Is that you?” Danny asked, pushing his way through the crowed. His eyes widened at the number of empty glasses around me.  
  
“Danny!” I exclaimed, my boundaries slightly blurry at that point. When I got drunk, I got loud and excitable. Thankfully I don’t do anything too embarrassing other than speaking my mind more than usual. “Whatchu doing ‘round these parts?” I grinned, standing up from the bar stool.  
Despite my best efforts, the room spun a little when I stood, and I found myself tumbling into his chest.  
  
“Whoah there…. You’re pretty fucked up.” He remarked with a lopsided grin as he caught me.  
  
“Me? Drunk? Nah.” I said, pushing off from his chest and standing upright. My head felt fuzzy and it made me giggle. “I’m just… having fun!” I burst into laughter.  
  
“How long have you been here?” He asked, wondering if he should make me sit down or make me go home.  
  
“Like, an hour?” I guessed, grabbing my phone. I was wrong. “I mean, three?”  
  
“How many shots have you had?” He asked, raising one eyebrow. I tried to count, but thinking that hard was boring.  
  
“I dunno… ten? Probably more.” I said with another giggle. “Definitely more.” I wasn’t sure if it was completely from the alcohol, or if the dim lighting helped, but Danny looked exceptionally tasty in that moment. I placed a hand on his upper arm. “Why, are you worried about ‘lil old me?” I batted my eyelashes at him cheered internally as his face turned red.  
  
“Of course I’m worried about you.” He said, glancing to the hand on his arm. “Why don’t you come sit with us? We have real food and water.”  
  
“Aw are you leaving already?” the cast guy said, grabbing my free hand. I felt Danny tense under my fingers and felt my heart jump.  
  
“Yeah, sorry guys. But when Prince Charming comes to sweep you off your bar stool, you don’t say no.” I took my hand back and turned to the taller man. “Thanks Danny.”  
  
“N-no problem!” He said, his voice squeaking a little. The other guy deflated, but I didn’t really care. I was never really interested in him anyway.  
  
“Where did you go Dan?” Another familiar voice called to Danny, and I felt my stomach drop. For some reason, when Dan mentioned having a table of his own, I wasn’t expecting to see people I recognized. I was so wrong.  
  
Arin and Suzy, Barry and Brian, even Vernon was there, all crowded around two of the tables that they shoved together. I tried to pull away, but Danny placed an arm on my shoulder and pushed me forward.  
  
“I found my friend over at the bar and thought I’d bring her over to introduce her to you guys.” He said, nodding at me and giving them my name. I blushed bright red and waved.  
  
“No shit! Dan’s been talking nonstop about you since like, last week.” Arin said, standing and sticking his hand out over the table. I jumped forward to shake it so he didn’t have to wait too long. I somehow blushed more when I realized what he said.  
  
“Arin shut up you piece of shit.” Dan said with a laugh.  
  
“It’s so nice to meet you.” Suzy said. She was even prettier in person. The alcohol was making me go from a confident, outgoing person to a stuttering mess. The room was spinning too much for this. I didn’t want to meet them all drunk off my ass…  
  
“N-nice to meet you too!” I said quickly, trying not to look at her. I heard her giggle and I wanted to cry. They probably thought I was a pathetic mess.  
  
“I thought you said you found her at the bar.” Brian said, wiping his mouth with a napkin. Danny glanced at me and grinned.  
  
“I did. I found her neck deep in a drinking contest.” He said, placing his hand back on my shoulder. “And she was winning.”  
  
“She doesn’t even look drunk.” Vernon said, his cheeks flushed and words slurred a little. He certainly was drunk.  
  
“Just because she can hold her liquor better than you…” Arin poked fun at Vernon, who grumbled and went back to his drink. “Hey, grab a chair!” He said to me. It was so surreal, sitting at this table with the Grumps.  
  
Dan pulled a chair up next to his and handed me a glass of water. I silently sipped it while I listened to their conversations. They were a little milder in real life, but that might have been because it was late and they were a little drunk.  
  
A few times they tried to pull me into the conversation, but I didn’t feel like I had the right to talk to them like we were friends. After a while I glanced over to the bar and saw that the cast had mostly dispersed, maybe three were left nursing their drinks.  
  
I must have zoned out, because I felt a warm hand on my leg.  
  
“- you okay?” Dan must have been talking to me, but I was too out of it to notice.  
  
“Huh?” I said stupidly, blinking slowly. I was more sober than I was an hour ago, but I was still tipsy. The downfall of my drunkenness left me exhausted.  
  
“I asked if you were okay. You were zoning out pretty hard.” He said, trying not to laugh at the probably ridiculous look on my face.  
  
“I’m fine. Just a little sleepy.” I admitted, yawning wide.  
  
“Do you want me to walk you home?” He asked, taking the glass from my hand and placing it on the table.  
  
“Yes please.” I all but begged. “I don’t wanna take the bus alone. It’s so scary.” I said, sounding like a child. He smiled fondly and turned to his friends.  
  
“I’m going to take her home guys. She looks like she’s about to pass out.” He said, holding a hand out to help me stand. The room only spun a little this time, so I didn’t fall.  
  
“Goodnight guys.” I said with a sleepy wave. “It was nice to meet you all.”  
  
“Bye!”  
  
“Nice to meet you too!”  
  
“Are you going to Mark’s on Friday?” Arin asked without standing.  
  
“Y-yeah! Danny invited me, if that’s alright.” I definitely didn’t sound as confident as I wish I did. Danny shot me a weird look but didn’t say anything.  
  
“Of course it’s alright! I can’t wait to party with you girl!” He said, toasting me with his lemonade.  
  
“Alright, let’s get you home.” Danny said to me, grabbing my bag for me. When he started walking away, I started to sway. Danny grabbed my hand and pulled me along.  
I couldn’t help notice how strong his hand was. I felt, safe. I knew he wouldn’t try to take advantage of me when I was drunk, or in any other situation. He was caring for me, taking me home and making sure I stayed safe. Maybe he really was telling the truth this morning. We walked in silence for a little while, the night sounds filling the gap.  
  
“So why were you in this part of town?” He asked as we walked up to the bus stop.  
  
“My theater is right around the corner. The cast usually goes out after rehearsal but this that the first time I went with them.” I answered, sitting on the cold bench. I hissed as my bare legs touched the metal. Danny sat close to me, his warmth making up for it.  
  
“Really? No fucking way.” He chuckled and looked down the street. “The Grump Space is about three blocks down that way.” He pointed in the opposite direction of the theater.   
“We don’t go out often, but we were celebrating Vernon’s second year of being a Grump.”  
  
“Has it already been two years?” I hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but it seemed I had an issue keeping my inside thoughts inside.  
  
“Hard to fuckin’ believe, isn’t it?” He shook his head. “It’s hard to believe I’ve been part of the Grumps for as long as I have. All of this is hard to believe.”  
  
“I know what you mean. It’s hard to believe that I’m across the country, working in a theater and well, alive.” I said, staring up at the stars. They were hard to see because of the lights from the city. I was suddenly hit with home sickness. I missed the clear open skies back home.  
  
“Alive? What, did you expect to die?” He asked, sounding like he thought I was joking. I didn’t know how to respond.  
  
“You could say that.” Was my only response. He made a noise, like he wanted to say something else, but stayed silent. Just as I was about to apologize, for getting drunk and making him leave his friends early, the bus came chugging around the corner.

When it pulled up, I got on and tried to grab my bag to get my wallet. Danny just side stepped and looped my bag across his chest. He handed the driver some money and guided me to a seat close to the front.  
  
“You didn’t have to pay…” I said, trying not to pout. I hated owing people, and I still owed him for the sweatshirt… and for everything else he’s done for me.  
  
“Yeah well, I wanted to. Besides…” He leaned in close to my ear. “I wanted a reason to come with you.”  
  
“W-what-”My face flushed. He pulled back quickly, as if nothing happened.  
  
“Because I wanted to make sure you got back safe! It’s not good for someone as pretty as you wandering around, especially if that pretty lady is as drunk as you.” He winked.  
  
“I’m not drunk.” I scowled and looked away, secretly rejoicing inside. He called me pretty! Danny thinks I’m pretty!  
  
My stop was only three from the one we got on at, so the ride was over far too soon. We got off at my stop, and walking in a comfortable silence. Only once did we have to steer over to the side when m nausea got bad. Thankfully I didn’t throw up.  
  
“This is my apartment.” I said, stopping in front of my door. I reached for my bag again, but he beat me to it. Again.  
  
With a single, swift movement he was able to unlocked the door and flip on the switch on the wall. I was glad I had straightened up the other day, because I wasn’t in the mood to be embarrassed about panties being thrown over the back of the couch.

“Is it alright if I stay until you’re settled?” He asked, standing in the doorway. I shot him an odd look but nodded nonetheless. “It’s just that one time I walked my friend home when she was drunk and she had to go to the hospital because she threw up and slipped in it.” He explained with a grimace. I copied his expression and beckoned him in again.  
  
“Help yourself to anything in the kitchen. I’ll get changed really quick.” I said, only swaying a little bit.  
  
“Aw thanks!” he said, moving to the fridge. I wasn’t sure if there was actually anything in there, but I hoped he found something. I dug through my laundry and found a clean flannel. It was a men’s 2XL, and it was the most comfy shirt in the world.  
  
Slipping on sleep shorts under the flannel, I went to the bathroom to quickly wash my face and brush my teeth. My mouth tasted bad enough to make me throw up. I was so focused on hurrying, I didn’t check myself in the mirror.  
  
“Sorry it took so long.” I said, coming out of the bedroom. I made sure to button up the flannel, something I never do when I’m home alone.  
  
Dan was in the kitchen, picking at some leftover chicken salad with a fork. His face lit up when he saw me and he almost threw the bowl on the counter as he rushed to my side. He looked me in the eyes for a second before letting his gaze drift down. His grin grew until he saw my leg.  
  
His face paled drastically and his grin dropped into a horrified grimace. I rushed to his side and placed a hand on his arm, worried that the chicken salad had gone bad.  
  
“What the fuck happened to your leg?” He whispered, looking at the floor where I was standing. I glance down and saw my myriad of scars are fresher cuts displayed openly. I felt my heart stop.  
  
I glanced up at him, and took a step back. His eyes were burning with rage.  
  
“I asked, what the FUCK happened to your leg?” He growled. It was all over. He knew… he knew…  
  
It was all over.


	4. Chapter 4

I sat on my couch, numb. The last hour replayed in my mind like a monster I couldn’t escape. Hot, fat tears fell onto my lap, the fabric of my flannel soaked with tears and blood.  
  
_“What the FUCK happened to your leg?” Danny almost yelled. I was speechless, the mix of fear and alcohol making it hard for me to think of an excuse._  
  
_“W-what do you want me to say?” I asked, tears already falling down my cheeks._  
  
_“Tell me literally anything other than what I think happened.” He growled. I flinched._  
  
_“I... I can’t.” I whispered, looking at the ground. I glanced up just in time to see wet tracks making their way down his cheeks before he walked away, slamming the apartment door behind him and causing the whole wall to shake._  
  
That was about an hour ago. I had gotten a couple of texts from my neighbor, who heard yelling and the door slam. I tried to convince her everything was fine, but I eventually just turned my phone off and tossed it on the counter.  
  
I never wanted him to find out. I knew he would get mad… he would hate me. I sobbed again, feeling my chest constrict painfully. My nails dug into my arms, the dull pain not doing anything to stop the pain in my chest.  
  
I lifted the flannel and looked at my thigh, in all its massacred beauty. As soon as Danny stormed out, I rushed to the bathroom. I was never one for doing too much damage at once. For me, it was more of a release after a stressful day. But today it wasn’t enough.  
  
Eight jagged lines painted my thigh, the blood not even clotting yet. I winced as the fabric pulled painfully from the wounds, but welcomed the pain at the same time.  
  
  
I must have sat on my couch for hours, blankly staring at the black television and picking at the drying blood. It wasn’t until I heard birds chirping outside that I decided to get up and take a shower. My movements were slow and dull, as if I had lost all will to live.  
  
Which wasn’t too far from the truth. Danny was the first light spot in my life in a long time. I thought maybe he could pull me out, but I was wrong. He just kicked me back in.  
  
I hopped in the shower, the only good thing to come out of this was the fact I wouldn’t have a hangover. The longer I stayed awake, the less I felt the next morning.  
  
When I got out of the shower, the sun was already rising. I didn’t feel tired, but I knew I should rest before practice. It was the last few before tech week, so it was important. I still wasn’t sure if my director would let of off for Friday-  
  
The thought made me freeze. I guess I wouldn’t have to ask for Friday off anymore. I teared up and let out a strangled noise. I didn’t think I had any tears left in me. I guess I was wrong. I changed into a ratty t-shirt and climbed into bed, willing myself not to wake up.

* * *

  
My alarm went off around noon, reminding me of rehearsal. I thought about not going, about calling in sick, but after five minutes of listening to the generic chimes tone I decided going out would be better than staying in and moping.  
  
My thigh was still bleeding slightly, so I wrapped them lightly with gauze and put on some loose shorts. Hopefully no one would notice.  
  
One the way out of the door, I saw my phone on the counter. I thought about turning it on and checking to see if I had any messages – messages from a particular person – but thought better of it. What was that psychology thing? There may or may not be a cat in the box, but if you don’t check you’ll never be proven wrong? I wasn’t sure. I slept through that lesson.  
  
I walked to the bus stop, not paying attention to anything. I could have sworn someone called my name, but I kept walking. I was probably just imagining it.  
  
The bus was already there when I got to the stop so I jogged up and got on. It was pretty empty, something I had never been more grateful for in the many months of living here. I made it to the theater and only hesitated a second before opening the door.

I was instantly greeted by the cast, who fell silent when they saw my face.  
  
“Hey, if that asshole from the bar last night did anything-” the main guy said. I just shook my head and placed my bag down. I just wanted to get this over with.  
  
I guess even my director noticed something was wrong, because right before dinner break she pulled me aside.  
  
“Look, what’s wrong? You’ve been really out of it all day.” She said, sitting me down on the edge of the stage. I looked at my lap, staring at the edge of the bandage that was peeking out from the hem of my shorts.  
  
“I just… had a falling out with a friend. That’s all.” I said with an edge to my voice. She raised an eyebrow at my tone and clucked her tongue.  
  
“Doesn’t sound like all. A simple falling out wouldn’t have my star actress acting like this. You’re always so happy to be here. What really happened?” She sat next to me and placed a hand on my leg. I had to bite my cheek to keep from hissing in pain.  
  
“It’s just… I thought we had something special. Then… then he found out something that he didn’t like. If I wasn’t so drunk I would have thought to keep it hidden but…” A teardrop hit the back of her hand and I sniffled pitifully. I was thankful everyone went out to pick up dinner. I didn’t want anyone seeing me like this.  
  
“It sounds like this person really tore you up.” She commented. “He probably wasn’t good enough for you.”  
  
“No.” I spat out. “He’s so much better than me… I didn’t deserve the little friendship we managed to make.”  
  
“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Danny said from the doorway. My head shot up, eye widening with shock. There he was, in the same outfit from last night. He was holding a hot cup in one hand and a bag in the other. He walked closer and I could see the bags under his eyes.  
  
“Danny…” I whispered, shrinking in on myself.  
  
“That’s bullshit. I’m not better than you, and you do deserve our friendship.” He came closer and placed the cup and bag on the stage. He took my hands in his and I could feel his fingers shaking. “Look, about last night.”  
  
“I’m sorry-” I said, my voice barely audible. He let go of one of my hands and held up a finger to quiet me. He took a deep breath and wiped his hand down his face.  
  
“I was scared, alright?” He said finally, making eye contact with me. His eyes were red and puffy. “When I saw your leg… I didn’t know what to think. I was so afraid. I fucked up I’m so, so sorry… Storming out was the worst thing I could have done.”  
  
“It’s okay… I don’t blame you.” I said quietly, looking at our clasped hands. My director had left when Dan walked over, but I could still hear her puttering around back stage. She was definitely listening in. “I… I just hoped you would never find out. I know you said to trust you, but I can barely even trust myself.”  
  
“I’m not mad at you, I promise.” His thumb rubbed the back of my hand comfortingly. “And I brought an apology. I stopped by the café and got your usual tea and some soup.” I couldn’t help but smile.  
  
“You didn’t have to.” I said, picking up the cup and letting the familiar smell relax me.

“But I wanted to.” He hopped up on the stage next to me, where my director was. “I wanted to make you happy, but it seems like I screw that over. God I’m so sorry.” He dropped his chin to his chest and closed his eyes tightly.  
  
We sat in silence for a moment while I gathered my thoughts. I wanted to tell him that he did make me happy, but I couldn’t find the right words.  
  
“What are you thinking?” He asked, glancing at me from the corner of his eye.  
  
“I’m thinking that you shouldn’t be apologizing. I’m thinking that you DID make me happy, before I went and ruined everything.” I rambled on, picking at the hem of my shorts.  
  
“You didn’t ruin anything.” He insisted, covering my fidgeting hand with his.  
  
“I did…” I refused to cry. I absolutely refused to cry. “I can only imagine how much you hate me now…” I laughed without any emotion and shook my head. I won’t cry… Not in front of Dan.  
  
“I could never hate you.” He whispered, gently taking my chin in his hand and turning my face towards him. He kissed me, light and gentle. My eyes flew open before snapping shut and I pushed forward, adding pressure to the kiss.  
  
Dan placed his hand back on my hand and pulled away by a hairsbreadth before kissing me again. When he pulled back completely, there were tears running down my cheeks. He smiled, his eyes crinkling with emotion. He placed a hand on my cheek and wiped away my tears with his thumb.  
  
“I could never hate you.” He repeated, making sure I was looking him in the eyes. I nodded and leaned into his hand, marveling in how safe I felt. There was something special about Danny.  
  
“I hate to break up this moment.” My director said from the wing. “But dinner break is over in about three minutes so the cast should be back soon. Why don’t you take the rest of the day off? There’s a few scenes we need to run that you really aren’t in, and it wouldn’t make sense to make you stay if you aren’t needed.” She smiled slyly at me.  
  
“B-but, I was going to ask for tomorrow off… I shouldn’t miss too much.” I said, about to stand. She must have sensed my panic because she chuckled and waved a hand at me.  
  
“You haven’t missed a single practice, in any show, other than the one you were throwing up at and I made you leave. I think you can manage one and a half days off.” She nodded at the door, and I heard voices getting closer. “You better take care of her.”  
  
“I will.” Danny said in the most serious voice I’ve ever heard. I didn’t even realize she was talking to him until he responded.  
  
“Good. Now you two get out of here before the cast complains about days off for them too.” She grinned and I nodded, hopping off the stage and grabbing my cup.  
  
“Thank you so much.” I said, tearing up again. It’s been too emotional and too stressful the past few hours, so no one could blame me for getting misty eyed.  
  
“Just don’t let the others know.” She winked and disappeared backstage again. Danny grabbed the bag and my hand and pulled me out the side door – I had a split second to grab my bag - just as the cast kicked open the front door.  
  
I couldn’t help but giggle. I felt like a teenager trying to sneak out of her house after curfew. The feeling was infectious because Dan laughed along with me.  
  
“Come on, I know the perfect place we can go eat.” He said, fingers tightening around my wrist slightly. He pulled me along, and I was left smiling at the back of his head. His hair bounced with his strides, and in the setting sun he was absolutely beautiful.  
  
We walked in a comfortable silence for a few blocks, the only conversation was Danny pointing out shops and landmarks in the area. He seemed to know a lot about the area, and it didn’t strike me until he stopped outside a large office building with a grin.  
  
“Let me introduce you to…” He held out a hand in a grand gesture “The Grump Office.” My jaw dropped and I tried to pull me hand from his.  
  
“Danny you have to be kidding me!” Was he being serious?  
  
“Nope, not this time. Come on, they should be finishing up for the day.” He said, holding the door open for me. I followed him in, my palms starting to sweat. When I saw everyone last night, I was drunk. Now I’m exhausted and emotionally spent. If they didn’t hate me before, they certainly will now. Dan took my hand and gave it a squeeze.  
  
“You’re overthinking things again.” He said, his voice bouncing off the walls as we climbed the steps.  
  
“Did I say that out loud?” I asked with a slight grimace. He laughed and shook his head.  
  
“No, but I could see your eyebrows getting all close together like you were stressing about something.” He turning to look at me and grinned. “You’re getting easier and easier to read.” My face flushed.  
  
We climbed several flights of steps, and I was slightly winded by the time we got to the right door. I took a sip of my tea, which had already gone cold. I wrinkled my nose and took another sip. Just because it was cold didn’t mean it was bad. Danny squeezed my hand again.  
  
“You got this. Don’t worry.” Before he opened the door, he turned to me. On the small doorstep, there were barely two inches between us. He placed a light kiss on my nose and let go of my hand. “I believe in you.”  
  
He opened the door and went in first, holding it open behind him. I followed him in and stood in shock. It was so familiar, yet so surreal. There weren’t many people around the main space. I could see Barry at a computer, and Kevin on his phone on front of a computer. Vernon and another intern were looking at something on one of the shelves, and   
Arin was sitting at the table, sipping something in a mug. When he saw Dan, he stood and called over to us.  
  
“Hey Dan! Oh hey.” He smiled at me when he recognized me. I smiled and greeted him back, but didn’t say anything. “I thought you outied. What are you doing back?”  
  
“I had to do something.” Dan said, glancing at me. “But everything’s good now. She got the day off so I figured we’d have dinner here. Unless you’re going to kick us out.” He laughed, and Arin joined in.  
  
“Where did you get this?” Arin asked as Danny opened the soup bowls. The familiar scent of my favorite soup filled the area and I relaxed. At least one thing was familiar. I sat down next to Dan, who offered me one of the bowl. He used his right hand to hold my left under the table.  
  
Well, two familiar things.  
  
“From this adorable café in town. You should take Suzy there for a date sometime.” Dan said, pulling his own bowl out.” Arin joined us at the table, joking and making small talk with me. It felt almost normal, if I blocked out the fact that his voice was more familiar to me than my own.  
  
“Hey, can I try some of yours?” Danny asked, pointing to my bowl with his spoon.  
  
“Sure!” I scooped up a spoonful and held it out for him. We were both shocked at my forwardness, but he smiled and leaned in, never breaking eye contact. I felt my face flush, and I tried to hide behind my cup. I started talking to Arin about some old DS game. I glanced over and saw Dan watching me, a faint frown on his face. When he saw me looking at him, he grinned and joined the conversation.  
  
Soon, the others joined us, everyone winding down from the day. Suzy had gone home before we arrived, which was a little upsetting. I hadn’t realized what a sausage fest the grumps were until I was the only girl in the room.  
  
One by one, the office emptied out. I had a better time than I expected. I exchanged numbers and various social media with them. We laughed and talked for hours, last night almost completely forgotten. Around eleven, I turned to Danny.  
  
“Would you want to… you know.” I twirled my hand in the air as if that would clear up what I was trying to say. He raised his eyebrow at me and smirked. “You know, come back to my apartment?” I finally spit out, looking away. Even though I wasn’t looking at him, I could feel him laugh.  
  
“Are you inviting me home with you?” He asked, speaking right into my ear. My face reddened but I wasn’t about to let him play this one sided game.  
  
“I guess… but if you don’t want to come…” I trailed off, looking into the distance. He made a sound in the back of his throat.  
  
“Oh I most certainly do. This is just the first time you actually invited me over.” He joked, but I could see a deeper emotion in his eyes.  
  
“Would you…want to go now?” I asked slyly. His eyes widened and he blushed a little.  
  
“Hey guys we gotta head out.” Danny said, standing quickly. I stood up too, saying my goodbyes. Dan all but dragged me out of the office. I watched with a smile at how eager he was. Then, my chest constricted.  
  
I wouldn’t be able to go all the way with him. Not tonight at least… I wanted to believe that he would understand, but past experiences made it hard for me to imagine that kind of scenario. My palms started to sweat, so I pulled it from his hand and wiped it on my pants.  
  
The closer we got to my apartment, the more my stomach began to turn.  
  
The moment the door shut, we froze. Danny was standing near my couch, watching me. I was standing with my back to the door, watching him. It was now or never. I went up to him and wrapped my arms around him neck, using it as extra leverage to kiss him.  
  
He deepened the kiss instantly, wrapping his arms around my waist. It was like there was no outside world, just us. He gently bit my lip and I squeaked. He pulled away and laughed lightly, brushing some hair out of my face.  
  
“How far do you want to go?” He asked, his voice husky. I felt my stomach turn. I let my thumb carefully stroke his jaw and took a deep breath before responding.  
  
“Not… not all the way.” I said, looking away. “B-but I do what to do s-stuff. W-with you.” I wished I could have been more suave in situations like this, but my heart was thudding so loudly it was almost painful in my ears.  
  
“Just tell me what you want.” He growled, kissing down my neck. “I’ll stop whenever you want.” He nipped at the spot between my shoulder and my neck, causing me to squeak again. I could feel the heat radiating off his face and hands.

“T-touch me…” I stuttered, feeling myself shutter as he ran a hand down my side. His fingers slipped up my shirt and moved towards my bra.  
  
I groaned and smiled into his neck. This was my happiest moment.

* * *

  
I rolled over, making that obnoxious sleep-snort sound. I rubbed my eyes, wondering why my torso felt so tense. I rolled over more until I ran into another body.  
  
That woke me up. I glanced over and saw a sleeping, shirtless Danny peacefully snoring away, my comforter draped over his waist. He had dark marks on his chest and neck, and I was filled with pride. I glanced down and saw I wasn’t wearing a shirt either.  
  
I could feel the material of my shorts digging into my legs, but I knew Dan wouldn’t do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. I checked my chest and saw just as many – if not more – dark splotches on my own skin.  
  
Glancing at my phone, I realized it was still off. When I turned it on, I was shocked to see almost a dozen messages, ten of which were from Dan. They were all along the lines of   
‘I’m sorry, I was wrong, I’ll make it up to you’. I had one from my director and another from Arin, who came up as an unsaved number.  
  
I checked the time, which was my original intention of turning my phone on. The sun was full in the sky, and the phone said it was almost ten. I put my phone down and snuggled up against Danny, who woke up enough to wrap his arm around me.  
  
“Hmmm what time is it?” His voice was slurred and deep, that wonderful combination.  
  
“Too early.” I answered, resting my cheek against his shoulder. I could feel his chest rumble as he laughed.  
  
“Fuckin’ true.” He yawned and placed his cheek on the top of my head.  
  
“What time is Mark’s party tonight?”  
  
“Usually his parties start around seven and go till whenever.”  
  
“Perfect. Then we can go back to sleep.” I yawned. Just as I was about to settle back down, my bladder decided to remind me of its existence. I groaned and rolled away. “Or not.”  
  
Danny laughed and buried his face in the pillow. I grabbed the first shirt I saw and slipped it on. It wasn’t until I had it on that I recognized it as his. I bit my lip to keep the silly grin away and went to the bathroom.  
  
The woman in the mirror was nothing like the woman I knew I was. She had mussed up hair, mussed up from another’s fingers running through it, not her own from stress.   
Tired eyes, from staying awake with someone special, not from crying all night. She looked… happy.  
  
I looked happy.  
  
I felt tears pricking my eyes as I realized that I actually was happy. There was someone in my bed that wasn’t trying to use me, and I was happy. I scrubbed my eyes and went to the bathroom. I decided to brush my teeth before going back out because I didn’t before going to bed and my mouth felt like cotton.  
  
When I got back, Dan was awake and checking his phone. He had pulled his hair back into a messy pony tail. He glanced up and smiled wide when he saw what I was wearing.  
  
“Morning hot stuff.” He laughed as I hopped in bed next to him.  
  
“Morning.” My chest felt heavy, but in a good way.  
  
“I know it’s ungodly early.” He said, locking his phone. I tried to make a comment about how it was after ten in the morning already but he just shushed me. “But I was wondering if you’d want to go out on a date before the party tonight.”  
  
“A date?” I asked stupidly, shocked at the offer. He nodded and pulled me into his chest, my back against his chest. He draped his arms over my shoulders and his chin on the top of my head. I sighed in content.  
  
“Yeah, a date. Like, to the park or something disgustingly romantic.” His voice vibrated my chest.  
  
“A date sounds perfect.” I leaned back into him more, soaking in the feel of his heartbeat. We sat in silence for a moment before he gently pushed me away.  
  
“Great. I have to run back to my apartment, but I’ll meet you back here. We can go get lunch.” He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood, stretching and popping his back loudly. “I’ll text you, kay babe?”  
  
“Alright.” I giggled at the nickname. I pulled of his shirt and handed it back to him, blushing when his eyes went straight to my chest.  
  
“I’ll see you later.” I grinned and pushed him towards the door. With a lopsided grin, he slipped his shirt on and finished dressing. Before opening the door, he called me over.  
  
When I was close enough, he wrapped an arm around my waist and dipped me low, kissing me deeply. When he brought me back up and spun me away, I could have sworn the room was spinning. With a wink and a laugh, he was gone.  
  
I collapsed on my couch and for a moment I didn’t even breathe. Then I let out the loudest squeal ever. I squealed and jumped around and cheered until I was light headed. Dan was everything and more.  
  
I had an actual date… I couldn’t remember the last time I had been on a date. It was exciting and terrifying.  
  
I hopped in the shower, trying to imagine how the rest of the day was going to go.


End file.
